


lessons

by impossibleaims



Series: mxmtoon songs [3]
Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Lesbian AU, Panic Attacks, Small mention of past abuse, Songfic, still a lot of fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-02
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:26:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23973733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/impossibleaims/pseuds/impossibleaims
Summary: nina has to teach monét a lesson in self confidence and learning to not let anxieties take over - you could say it was more than successful.
Relationships: Monét X Change/Nina West
Series: mxmtoon songs [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1722625
Comments: 1
Kudos: 13





	lessons

**Author's Note:**

> hey! decided to write a bit of ninex, please be aware that there is a small mention of a past abusive relationship and a lot of talk about anxiety, please don't read this if that effects you! your health is more important <33
> 
> lowercase intended, hope you all enjoy :)

_'do words lose weight if said too often?_   
_if not said enough, are they forgotten?'_

monét's past relationships were nothing special. they'd only last for a few months, and each one would end uglier than the last. fists were risen and monét's self confidence would plummet, eventually leading her to avoid love at all costs and staying in her own bed, despite the encouragements from friends to get herself back out there. then, she met nina.

nina was different, and it scared her.

nina valued romanticism. the small things mattered: a nice candlelit dinner, a cuddle together on the sofa, a movie date in the winter and a drive-in during the summer. they had been together almost a month, and monét felt herself falling faster and faster everyday. their bond was stronger than ever, and monét's overthinking set in.

she didn't want to ruin her relationship with nina. she didn't want anything to happen, and she certainly didn't want it to end like any of her past relationships. nina didn't have a bad bone in her body, and monét knew this, but it didn't stop her from thinking the worst.

_'do I_ _bite_ _my tongue out_ _of over-caution now?_   
_thought I had it_ _all just figured out.'_

they had planned a date at monét's apartment: a simple dinner, with nina sleeping over after and watching disney movies together. what monét didn't expect was to be crying on the floor over the smallest inconvenience. she was struggling to make dinner, hands shaky and breaths coming out laboured at the thought of nina breaking up with her. there was no signs, everything was normal and natural over their earlier conversation, but monét's stomach had been uneasy for the whole day.

she could hear her phone going off on the countertop, and she had to ignore it, teary eyes making her unable to see anything.

'it's probably nina, telling you that she's lost feelings, leaving you high and dry, crying on the kitchen floor. a mess'

these intrusive thoughts made her tears stream down her face faster, struggling to control her breathing. she knew that nina was probably on her way, or she'd decided the date wasn't worth it and had somehow found someone else in the space of thirty minutes. part of monét wanted nina to be there, to hold her and calm her down and tell her that everything was going to be okay. the other part of her didn't want to see her, imagining the look on her face when nina let her down with the inevitable. monét was sure she heard the door open, but disregarded it, blaming her anxious state.

_'but i'm slowing down with questions now_   
_it's okay to step back and look around.'_

monét was aware of exactly what was happening: it was a panic attack. she was no stranger to them, and could usually ground herself with ease, but her brain wouldn't stop trailing back to nina and what the future may hold for them.

"monét?"

she looked up frantically, greeted with nina's concerned face looking down at her. her eyes were bloodshot, hair messy and teeth impaling her lips. at the sight of nina, a sob broke out from her lips.

"oh sweetheart, come here. your okay, i've got you," nina's face softened as she embraced monét, picking her up with ease and carrying her from the cold kitchen floor to the sofa. she felt monét's tears seep through her jumper, and nina knew she had to do something to calm her down.

"can you breathe in for me? i'm not going anywhere, i'm here. i'll always be here, just keep trying. in and out,"

monét's breathing was still hitched, and her hand clung to nina's jumper, leaning into the soft fingers that were running through her hair in a slow and soothing manner. nina pulled her closer, singing under her breath in an attempt to slow the whimpers that were still coming.

_'it'll just take time_   
_be patient with yourself_   
_there's more room to grow_   
_if you leave your worries on the shelf.'_

when monét's breathing evened out and the tears left dried stains on her cheeks, nina re-positioned her in her lap, placing a gentle hand underneath her chin and making their eyes meet.

"you wanna tell me what that was about then? you gave me a fright when i saw you like that."

"am i good enough for you? your not gonna," her eyes watered again, and she had to bite back the tears threatening to fall. "leave me?"

"no, no, no, what's gotten into you tonight? i would never. your so perfect and beautiful, and i wouldn't think of leaving you for the world. you mean so much to me, and this past month has been perfect, honestly, more than i ever wanted. you need more confidence 'nét!"

a genuine smile spread across monét's face for the first time since nina walked through the door, and her exhaustion from the panic attack was clear on her face. nina could see this too, and she picked her up with ease again, carrying her into the bedroom. they'd shared a bed multiple times before, every time nina was gentle and careful, putting monét's comfort in front of her own.

_'don't look back_   
_just go forward like you mean it_   
_say it if you feel it.'_

nina carefully placed her on her favoured side (the right side, because it was "squishier"), covering themselves up in a mountain of blankets and hugging her tight. monét looked over to nina, pushing her head closer to her chest.

"i love you nina."

she chuckled at this, placing a kiss to her cheek and murmuring in her ear. "i love you too 'nét. don't ever feel like your not worth it, and if you do, you come straight to me. because you deserve to be loved."

monét's eyes grew heavier and heavier, and she found herself succumbing to sleep. she didn't fight it, instead she leaned in closer to nina, a newfound feeling of belonging making her heart swell. monét began to trust nina more and more everyday, and the thought of spending more time with her seemed less daunting now she knew nina's true feelings.

_'life goes so fast_   
_so, go live with good intentions_   
_today's another lesson.'_

it wasn't long before nina had decided to move in with monét, and it was without a doubt one of the best decisions they made.

arguments were rare, and lasted all of five minutes before one of them launched themselves at the other in a frenzy of tears and apologies. nina was helping monét's anxiety more and more everyday, noticing that she made herself more vulnerable and honest. she was opening up more, she even came forward about her past relationships. it angered nina to no end, she despised the fact that her girlfriend was treated so horribly, but she knew that she was always going to be there to kiss away any insecurities that rose.

_'lost so much from overthinking_   
_my head gets stuck, my feet lose feeling_   
_but the fear's not enough to stop us dreaming now.'_

monét's confidence grew, and after their one year anniversary, she had never felt more happy with their position. she couldn't remember the last time she had a panic attack, and neither could nina. there was no hesitation between the two, and nina had somehow alleviated any overthinking from monét. the butterflies were still there, a spark forming every time their hands brushed past for a second, leaving the pair a blushing mess.

despite how far monét had come, it was still a shock to nina when she proposed.

it was over a romantic dinner in, monét didn't want to make a fool of herself proposing in public just in case she said no, and after they had been together for a good few years. monét somehow managed to make nina's favourite with only slightly shaky hands, but nina could see the way she trembled when she was on one knee, the ring box wobbling ever so slightly.

she said, yes of course, sweeping monét off of her feet and spinning her round, kissing passionately before she let her slip the ring on. that night in bed, they lied comfortably in each others embrace, nina holding monét and stroking her hair just like they had done every night previously.

"i'm happy you proposed," nina's voice was quiet, not knowing whether monét had fallen asleep yet.

"mmm. i'm glad i did too, i can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you." she ended her sentence with a yawn, making nina laugh and kiss her forehead.

"go to sleep, i'll be here in the morning." her voice was soft and quiet, even after they had moved in together, nina always reminded her she wasn't going anywhere.

_'don't look back_   
_just go forward like you mean it_   
_say it if you feel it_   
_life goes so fast_   
_so, go live with good intentions_   
_today's another lesson_ _._ _'_


End file.
